The Transcript

We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen more than you speak – Anonymous

I have to admit these past few weeks have been very intense – filled with a deep longing to understand where I truly belong and where I want to take this space and platform. If you had asked me two years ago what my expectations for CulturallyOurs was, I would have had the answer memorized and spilled out like a perfect 30-second elevator pitch. However now as I watched the events unfold across the country demanding change, I find my 30 second elevator pitch shorted to almost a second. I took time off from this space, participated in #blackouttuesday, even muted my social media for a whole week just to understand what was happening.

And the more I read and spoke and understood, the more I realized that the mission of CulturallyOurs really hadn’t changed that much. There were two ideas that really stood out and screamed at me from the proverbial rooftops – in this case – my own conscious – Global narratives really do connect us to each other and Inside, where it really matters, we are all truly the same.

So I went back to the drawing board and looked at the backend of CulturallyOurs. Did you know there are over 300 blogposts with so many different narratives from all over the world? But there are few that really really stood out in terms of articles and stories that people gravitated towards. Today I want to expand on one of our most popular blogposts and add a lot of what I have heard, read and understood from everything that has been going on. I will post a link in the show notes to the original article so you can go read it for yourself. Sometimes, re-reading something multiple times is exactly what is needed for it to really stick – a sort of muscle memory if you will.

Join me on this episode of CulturallyOurs to understand cross-cultural conversation tips and strategies that can help you navigate the waters of cultural diversity – because this is something that is very much required for the betterment of all aspects of life and lifestyle. Especially in today’s world, there is an urgent need to move from a segmented perspective to a more common understanding. And diverse voices and diverse ideas do make the world a much better place.

According to the World Economic Forum, 1 in every 30 people globally is an immigrant.

Movement of people to different parts of the world or even internally within their own country is not a new phenomenon. In fact scientists have traced the first human migration patterns to have taken place almost 60,000 years ago. Of course life then looked vastly different from what we experience today. But regardless, it is not easy to leave one’s homeland and start a new life.

Behind every migrant family and community, there is a story. These stories may be positive or negative, but we cannot hope to understand the issues of migration without hearing them. And being a migrant does not always mean moving across countries. Sometimes people even move within the country for a new life and a fresh start.

So how can we as individuals come from a place of understanding and empathy the next time you meet someone who doesn’t look like you or talk like you or dress like you or even behave like you. How can we understand their life and life story? How can we make them feel like they belong…with us? How can we really listen?

Here are some cross-cultural conversation starter tips to help you.

#1 Limit all distractions

When engaging with others limit all distractions – both literally and figuratively. Give you full attention to the conversation, communication or interaction. Let go of any preconceived notions, biases or prior knowledge and be open to listening with an open mind. I tell this to my kids all the time when I talk to them – eyes to me. I think that is so appropriate when dealing with anyone. There is nothing like eye contact to bring forth a sense of engagement and being present in the moment.

#2 Ask open ended questions that prompt a dialogue

Listen from a point of neutrality and always seek to understand. So often we let past knowledge get in the way of true neutrality. Instead ask questions that are open-ended facilitate dialogue and discussion especially questions that give the other person a chance to express themselves in a non-threatening manner which leads to positive communication.

#3 Be open to different perspectives

If something doesn’t make sense to you, try to put it in another dimension and seek a different perspective. Ask for further elaboration. Let the information flow and let it sink in. Admit when you are wrong and do what you need to do it make it right. Sometimes this means a sincere apology and the deep desire to make it right.

#4 View disagreements as a way to grow

You don’t know what you don’t know, right? People come from all walks of life, different backgrounds, different cultural and social experiences. Life is different across the board and that what makes each person’s perspective unique. True, there are social and community norms that we all have experience with. But that is not to say things cannot be different if it is for the greater good. Disagreements are a fact of life and to live a life worth living we need to see these disagreements as a way to grow collectively. Just because something worked before does not mean it should continue to work even if everything around us continues to change. Like Heraclitus, the Greek philosopher said, ‘Change is the only constant in life.’

#5 Allow space for silence even if it is uncomfortable

It is important to admit when you really don’t know what to say at that moment too. That moment when you just cannot wrap your head around what to say probably because you are overwhelmed and don’t understand fully. Often, people just listen so they can talk back and most  times they end up saying something really insensitive without knowing they did. It is okay to admit you don’t know what to say immediately. Take the time to reflect, understand and then respond.

#6 Be open to change even if it makes you uncomfortable

Look for the in-between – black and white are not the only two sides of a coin. There almost always is a grey and sometimes that’s where the answer lies. And listen to learn even if that is contradictory to your view of the world.

#7 Be more interested in understanding others rather than being understood

Remember to resist the urge to make it about you. Let people finish before interrupting and listen to listen, not to respond.

#8 Compliment freely

Compliment people about something that you noticed and appreciated. Then tie it to a question. Using the approach of ‘positivity’, you can change a person’s mindset from closed to more open about sharing their background.

#9 Watch your body language

Body language often dictates how others see us. So be aware of your own body language and use body language cues to indicate you are friendly and open to making friends. Avoid crossed arms, hands in your pocket, playing with keys or even checking your phone as they can be taken as signs of disinterest.

A wonderful technique that I know is often used is called the S.O.F.T.E.N. technique to help create a great non-verbal impression.

• (S)mile
• (O)pen up your posture
• (F)orward lean
• (T)ouch by shaking hands
• (E)ye contact
• (N)od when the other person talks

#10 Be genuine in your approach

Most important of all is to be genuine about your intention of getting to know the other person. People are generally very perceptive and can often spot insincerity a mile away. Remember to always be honest and sincere in your effort to get to know the other person. Ask questions that you really want to know answers for and build on them to carry the conversation forward and to help you understand better. This facilitates conversation.

One of the worse things we often do in our fear of saying the wrong thing or asking the wrong question is to completely ignore the person/issue. This often times makes people feel more alienated and isolated. People, by nature, are social creatures who want and crave company and camaraderie.

And sometime all it takes is a non-verbal acknowledgement and a smile to make someone else’s day.