Have you ever attended a party where everything was so perfectly in order that you felt foreign and out of place?
You’ve stepped into an immaculate home, the floor is sparkling, the table is set and the glasses are charged. You proceed to gush to your host of the wonderful job they’ve done, only to hear something along the lines of ‘Oh, but I still haven’t done this.’
Or perhaps you’ve find yourself on the opposite side as the perfectionistic host stressing to make sure everything is perfect.
Not too long ago, we explored the Japanese concept of Wabi-Sabi – a lifestyle of embracing the perfectly imperfect, and allowing the ebb and flow of life to unfold seamlessly.
This week we caught up with Julie Pointer-Adams, wabi-sabi extraordinaire and author of Wabi-Sabi Welcome: Learning to embrace the imperfect and entertain with thoughtfulness and ease to explore what a wabi-sabi lifestyle can look like in the realm of hosting and entertaining. If you missed Julie’s podcast interview, you can listen to it here.
But there are two sides to the wabi-sabi entertaining coin: the host and the guests. Today, we’re diving into both sides, so that you can foster thoughtfulness at every gathering, no matter who’s in charge.
Wabi-sabi can’t be faked
Wabi-sabi isn’t something that can be forced or fabricated. It isn’t a style or something you can create with meticulous planning (as much as you may wish it were).
Instead, wabi-sabi entertaining occurs best during the spontaneous moments; like an unplanned picnic or an impromptu pizza party on the couch.
There’s more than one way to host a gathering
The concept of dinner parties that many of us in the western world share usually conjures images of crisp linens and more hours beside the stove than I would care to think about.
But our customs are not universal; many different cultures all over the globe share mealtimes in vastly different ways.
In the Unites States dinner parties are often a formal affair, while in Italy mealtimes are a more relaxed family gathering. In Spain and many other cultures, dinner as we know it isn’t so common – the word itself usually refers to a midday meal. Instead, the spanish have a smaller supper much later in the evening.
In Australia, while formal dinner parties do happen, you are far more likely to be invited to a casual barbecue complete with sausage sizzles (a barbecued sausage folded in a slice of bread), and the burden of food preparation is always shared among the guests.
Hosting an intentional gathering
Whatever your style is, you can have a wabi-sabi gathering and be a calm and intentional host.
Throw the kind of party you truly love. Don’t focus on what you think the guests want, and instead think about what they really came for; soul-filling, no-strings-attached company.
If cooking isn’t your jam, don’t cause yourself the stress – a stressful host is a recipe for an awkward party, no matter how much you try to play it calm. Order some takeout and give your guests the gift of your undivided attention.
Don’t overwhelm yourself with too many things. Like the humble Australian barbecue, get your guests involved by asking them to bring something along, like a side dish, dessert or a bottle of wine. Chances are, they’ll feel more welcome and appreciated.
Being a thoughtful guest
Being on the receiving end of an invitation doesn’t always leave you with much room to make decisions. But that doesn’t mean you can’t help your host in a small way.
Offer to bring something helpful. But don’t simply ask, “can I bring anything?” If your guest is a perfectionist, they will likely have you believe everything is under control. Instead, offer to prepare dessert and leave the main course in their hands. If you know the host is a wine lover and is sure to serve up their favourite vino, pick up a bottle as a replacement and thoughtful thank-you gift.
Keep the conversation on topic. You don’t go to a party to talk about the party; you go to a party to catch up with friends. Instead of drawing straight to the smell of the food or the incredible table decor the minute you walk through the door, steer the conversation toward something else. Leave your observations until the end of the evening when your host is relaxed and comfortable.
Next time you spot a soiree on your calendar, take a few extra moments to consider how you can be more intentional, whether as a host or a guest. Bringing the way of wabi-sabi into your entertaining can go a long way in fostering thoughtfulness and deeper connection with your friends and family.
{Words and images by Montana Pratt; Website: Montana Pratt; Instagram: @montanapratt}
Montana is a writer and creative soul living on the Australian south-east coast. A dreamer and list-maker at heart, Montana embraces slow living and simplifying as a way to live a life worth having, documenting her journey online where she explores all things simple living, zero waste and becoming a better version of yourself. When she isn’t writing, she says you can usually find her buried in a book, experimenting in the kitchen, or tending the garden.
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