The Transcript

When I was a boy and I would see see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me,’Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ —Fred Rogers, Mr. Rogers Neighborhood TV Show

The census bureau predicts that by 2030 the world population will hit 8.5 Billion people. That’s Billion with a B. There are a lot of people around us at any given moment in time – ether figuratively or literally. But why is it that in spite of that we often feel alone and lonely.

No, Facebook friends, Instagram follows and Twitter fans don’t count – they might measure your popularity but they don’t measure your worthiness. They don’t measure the richness that actual human connection can provide. That smile, that handshake, that hug, that hello, that voice – they all matter so much more than just swipes on a screen or hearts on a post.

Today in this bonus episode, I want to share some personal narratives on the importance of human connections – stories from my life where the kindness of strangers, the warmth of touch or even the tightness of a hug did not feel suffocating – in fact it felt like a lifejacket!

There is power in human connection. Let’s embrace it instead of running away from it.

Life always is a series of events. Moments in time where something happens, someone you met or even something you experience changes you. I want to share a couple of events – stories if you will – on how powerful human connection is to our wellbeing – our very survival because no man is an island. Life is not meant to be lived in solitude.

The first story takes me back to one of the darkest periods of my life. Back in the Fall of 2016 we found out that my moms’ breast cancer, the one we thought she had successfully beaten a couple of years back, was back and had spread. Her oncologist immediately started her on a treatment plan involving chemo and a whole slew of medications. As soon as I heard the news, I left everything – my home, kids, work and went to spend time with her. Now my mom lived in Chennai India at the time with my 95 year old grandma and even though she has a strong support system of her sisters and brothers, I knew mom needed me there and I needed me to be there as well.

I remember my days were spent handing hospital visits, managing her house, my grandma and a whole lot of other things we shall not get into. Although my mom was living at home, we would end up in the ICU almost every other day for something or the other. These ICU visits meant an overnight for my mom, making sure my grandma was okay alone at home and staying up for almost 24 hours because the ICU rules required one family member in the hospital at all times.

Now although I am from Chennai my command of Tamil, the local language isn’t that great and that meant everything took twice as long for me to understand and process. But I will never forget the kindness and generosity of the ICU nurses, the overnight custodial staff and even the families of other ICU patients who, like me, stayed many night sleeping on the floor in the hospital lobby. I know things are different around the world but most hospitals in India don’t have comfortable waiting rooms. In fact this one had mental benches in the lobby that come 7.00pm would be snatched up first come first served for those whose family member was in the ICU. I have had strangers hold a bench for me, buy me coffee at 2.00am so that we would stay wake in case we were called to the ICU, go stand in line for entry into the ICU during visiting hours, hear my story, hold my hand when I would break down even though they did not understand a word of what I was saying.

They say when you are in the darkest deepest of personal hells, look for the helpers because someone is always there to hold your hand, listen to your cries and comfort you even if it is just a glance. I will be the first to admit the world can be a scary place but there is immense strength in human connection – strength to face the toughest situations if only you open yourself up to that connection – human to human, heart to heart, soul to soul.

I am sorry if this first story brought you to tears but I promise you the second one will make you smile.

This past summer my family and I traveled through Montana and Wyoming visiting some of America’s iconic national parks. During one of our days in Grand Teton National Park, my kids and I decide to tackle a longish hike of about 6 miles alone. Now to just put things in perspective, we are avid hikers and back country campers so hiking into the backcountry is not something new. But for the most part we have always done it in a group. This was a challenge for sure but one I was eager to take. We had almost neared the end of our hike, having met a few people along the way when we decide to stop and just enjoy the views of alpine lakes from high above the ground. There was an older couple who perhaps had the same idea and were sitting nearby. As soon as we stopped, the gentleman smiled and asked if I wanted our picture taken. ‘Since mom is never in the picture, right?’, he said with a smile. He promised this would be a postcard family moment. So I politely smiled and handed him my phone. He then proceeded to take about a dozen pictures from different angles and vantage points, much to the amusement of my kids. After he took those photos, he and his wife noticed my daughter’s clothes. Now again to give context and set the stage here a bit, my daughter is crazy about horses. She is an equestrian rider who is learning the English hunter jumper style of riding and has participated in a few horse shows as well. She has more horse embellished clothing that I personally care for and on this day was wearing a hat and a t-shirt with lots of horse photos on it. So, they asked her if she liked horses at which point the conversation proceeded towards my daughter’s love for horses and their family association with these animals.

Turns out they all rode at some point, owned various horses and their daughter is a horse surgeon. Perhaps exactly what my daughter needed to hear considering the conversations in our house are always around how she can take this passion for riding and horses and turn it into a career.

But the interaction did not just end there. The couple proceed, in fact insisted, that my daughter contact their daughter and talk about career choices in the equestrian field – almost like a career counseling session. We walked away with a name, address, phone number, email address and lots of hugs.

Since then my daughter has contacted Dr. Sophie and I couldn’t be more thrilled on the outcome. Dr. Sophie is kind, patient and shares what her journey has been like as a horse surgeon. Goes to show you never know who you will meet and how they will impact your life.

Their stories – they are not one offs. We all have interesting stories and experiences meeting and connecting with people as we go through life. Some are positive and others maybe not so much. But regardless these experiences, these connections – they teach us a lot of things. We need to lean into them, learn from them, grow from them and always look for the helpers that really do make life so much more enjoyable.

Now I admit opening yourself to these connections is not always easy. But there are a few things you can do – we can all do – to meet and connect with others.

I want to share with you 3 quick ways you can make powerful connections with others.

#1 Listen more than you speak

There is a saying in our house when we are trying to have a conversation with our kids. We always say “You have two ears and one month. So please listen twice as much as you talk.” Whether this impacts our teen or not, I cannot say, but I have certainly learnt a lot from it. People want to be heard. They want to feel understood and appreciated. After all understanding brings empathy which brings forth acceptance. And we all want to feel accepted – for who we are.

#2 Come from a place of empathy, gratitude and humbleness

Let go of any preconceived notions of who you are, what you have achieved and how successful you are when you are talking and interacting with other. Yes, be proud of your achievements but never use that to put the other person down. You don’t know the circumstances of their life. One of the most helpful people during my mother’s illness was her driver. His wife told me that the entire time I was there taking care of my mother, he would sleep with his phone right next to him, in case I needed to go to the hospital in the middle of the night – which we did many times. He was there for me. Someone who I had never met before, who I could barely communicate with, but his constant presence made me feel safe. I am eternally grateful for his help.

#3 Give more than you want to receive

Dr. Sophie and her parents didn’t owe us anything. They didn’t even know us. And yet they invested their time in helping us out. Robert was right. As the family photographer, I am rarely in any photos with my kids. Those dozen or so images that he took mean a lot to me. I have fond memories of that trek and now I have images to look at. They got nothing from us in return except for a smile, a hug and lots of thank yous. Perhaps that is a lesson in itself.

It is my sincere hope that these stories motivate you to connect with others around you. The guests who have come on the podcast through the seasons have shared their stories in the hopes of connecting with others, the contributors who write for CulturallyOurs do the same because they want to share a piece of their lives. Look for those helpers who do really make the world a better place. You have more than 7.3 Billion to choose from!