Do you want to broaden your circle of friends and make authentic friendships online?
Fostering an online friendship or being a part of an online community is hard. Even though you have some element of anonymity you quickly realize that not all online connections led to genuine friendships.
In some ways it has never been easier to connect with people all over the world. We are almost always just a text message or social media post away. Yet, while these tools enable is to stay in touch with each other and reach out to people, truly meaningful interactions can sometimes feel scarce.
We can feel closely connected to others without having deep conversations all the time. Sometimes we bond over sports, chai or even inanimate things like a love for the mountains. But there are times when we want to be able to say what’s in our hears and it can be difficult to know how to cultivate that deeper connection especially when it is a contact online. Added to the fact that there are some really crazy people and scary things online, we are just not sure if it is worth the effort.
If you are craving for more authentic interactions with others in the online space, here are 5 strategies that can help.
#1 Create an inviting online space
If you are looking to make friends online, chances are you have an online space to share a bit about yourself. Be it social media, a website or a blog, create a space that is inviting and inclusive. With over 1 billion people on Instagram, X Billion on Facebook or even XYZ blogs out there, there is bound to be a tribe of people you can connect with on many different levels.
If you want to relate more deeply with another person, you must share your own thought and feelings, think in terms of creating space – both physical and emotional – where real discussions can transpire naturally. Be yourself and be genuine. Maggie O’Reilly said it best when she said ‘Don’t treat social media as a popularity contest’. Speak your truth even if it is to that one person you want to connect to.
#2 Talk with, not about
Sometimes we need to talk about other people. Gossip really doesn’t serve a purpose other than evoking negative emotions and feelings. On the other hand, focus on people you are engaging with and facilitate a sharing of ideas and narratives. People want to share their stories and appreciate a chance to speak and be heard. Focus on the person who you are communicating with. Ask about their day, life and/or business. A lot of times we shy away from asking personal questions because we don’t want to come across as interfering. But when addressed with the right intention, personal questions and conversations are a chance to get to know the other person at a deeper level.
#3 Speak from your heart
We can talk about our favorite subjects all day long. We can conceal ourselves behind our pet topics and never delve deeper into why and how important things are. Determining when it is safe to introduce your real feelings or concerns into a conversation takes sensitivity, bravery and a willingness to experiment. If your conversation partner expresses interest in your personal feelings, you can feel confident sharing more. On the other hand, you will know pretty quickly if the other party is not willing or able to go deeper and then it is appropriate to back away. The best way to make friends online is when it’s safe, polite and meaningful for both people.
#4 Listen from your heart
Conversation is a two-way street and just as you must be bold enough to tell your own stories and express your own concerns, you must also be receptive enough to listen to another person’s story and concerns. Deep listening isn’t easy. It requires concentration, compassion and self-awareness. And jus because listening is happening online doesn’t mean it does not matter. You can listen to texts and take cues on what the person is feeling or going through. We all know how good it feels when we realize that someone truly hears what you have to say and how lousy it feels the other person seems distracted, more interested in sharing their perspective, or intent on offering a solution to fix your problems.
So when your conversation partner says something that triggers a strong emotion, whether it be sadness, envy, boredom or excitement, challenge yourself to stay present rather than insert yourself into the narrative – even if this is happening online.
#5 Let go of outcomes
Even if the only thing you want from a connection with another person online is a deeper connection, you may not get it. Insisting on such an outcome when the person is not interested or emotionally ready is just not effective. It takes courage to initiate authentic conversations to essentially say to someone ‘This is me, this is how I feel and this is what I need’. Similarly it take bravery to let go of what you hoped for in a conversation or a connection. Remember ‘no’ doesn’t always mean ‘never’. It just means ‘not now’.
Remember making true online friends takes practice and also time. The more you seek to connect with others in an authentic way, the more you will hone in on your skills of giving and receiving, inviting and releasing. You will learn to approach your conversation partners and yourself with greater patience and compassion. Over time these interactions will seen less as a chore and more and more pleasant as people respond to the energy you put out there.
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